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Thursday, August 14, 2008 at Thursday, August 14, 2008

I could not sleep last night..

I kept thinking.. What have i done wrong?

I sat on my bed just kept wondering.. could it be this? could be it that? i don't know...

Dear.. I just hope after i blog this time.. You can understand what I really mean.. But dear.. I'm not putting it in the bad way.. I just want to let you know how I felt last night.. You know that no matter what I'd still love you the same way you do to me too =)

Remember the paper thing? Yeah I think you got what i mean.. I'm really glad you do too darling..

Last night I called Her.. Just because of some small lil issue I just had to keep bugging on.. Should be my problem.. But definitely I can't say what is it about right out.. She'll kill me.. =P
But there's also this badminton thinggy.. I kept saying i support her letting her play.. But i always mess her day up by going down and just shower her my face.. I hate myself doing that so much.... I really just kept my mind focus on.. " I can't let you get hurt, I can't affort to let anyone harm you" That thought made me such a bad person to her.. I don't want to but It's that hard to control that everytime I really had to keep an eye on her just to make sure she's alright..

During that night..

I went a lil wacky.. I became 2 person at once... Lets just put it A and B kay? easier..

A : Why are you being so stupid? she always get so fed up all of a sudden just because problems come... don't you think so?

B(Me) : No.. It's alright! i don't want to leave her side even if it kills me! Even if she is fed up in these problems.. I would still try to cool her down and slowly talk about it!

A : Fine.. then are you happy with what is she doing right now? she rather do other things than spending time with you.. Doesn't it sound wrong? You're her Boyfriend..

B : *Fed up* SO??? Yes I am indeed her boyfriend! It makes me really happy enough to be someone that close in her heart! I showed her that nothing can replace her in my heart! doesn't mean she can't do it any sooner or later! She will slowly learn..! Still! I'm NOT BLAMING HER!

A : You're really going crazy.. are you even listening to what you're saying??? Then what about her friends huh? she rather stay with her friends.. or walk with them than you.. She always ask you to go find your friends... or go somewhere else rather to be with her whenever you want to! and you know it!

B : She have to have time for her friends too! YES, I'm her boyfriend and she said im her everything and no matter what I'm most important to her! She'll show me in her own ways! Even if i had no time anymore.. I'm still satisfied... That I've found Her in my life.. being with her and forever will be in her heart.. Yes i really want her to be someone special to me and me special to her.. I wish she would say.. It's okay.. my friends they can be with themselves.. I just want to be with you.. I wish she would say.. Don't argue with me lar.. I wanna be with you only ahhhhhhhh dum dum piggy!!!

A : You're crazy you know that? Do you?? Are you willing to cry everytime just to make her feel happy? are you willing to cry every single night??

B : Let me tell you.. Yes I will.. Because of every tear i drop because of Her.. It's worth it! I Cry because i feel her.. She cry because she felt me.. Tears that drop gives us a memory that we've been through these situations.. If you ask me that.. Yes im willing to cry every single night and its still worth it.. Just because its for Her...

Darling.. I can never blame you for anything because we are still learning.. Learning how to be with together.. How to understand each other more in any different ways we have.. I can never get angry at you even if I want to.. Just because of your sweet smile you put on just to let me see and make me day so much brighter.. =) This smile that you gave me and put on me too.. I'd never stop showing in my heart.. Even if my heart is filled with sorrow.. There is still a small space in it leaving for that smile of yours in me.. =) It keeps me alive..

Dear.. I really hope after you read this whole blog.. You understand how i really feel.. I don't and i really mean it I don't want you to blame yourself so hard because of making me sad many times.. It's alright.. We learn.. We cheer each other up.. Don't get fed up solving problems.. We can do all things together remember? Just A smile? remember? =)

I never hide anything from you thats why im telling you everything right here right now.. Just don't want you to blame hard on yourself anymore kay? everything we did wrong.. It's either me or you cheer each other back up again.. =) That's what we're all about..

I'm really worried that if i left school.. What will happen..? Im scared that you being a prefect.. When you're on your duty.. Those naughty boys would disturb you.. they would do anything and all.. and I CANT BE THERE TO PROTECT YOU! I wish that i can come back form 6 at least spending 2 more years being there with you~ I don't care if it's wasting 2 years of my time.. But being with you? It's worth it no matter what..

But i can promise you this is that.. No one can replace you in my heart... Except teddy.. =P just abit lar.. dun sad sad la kay? xD But no one else anymore...

I too can promise.. If anything happen in school.. PLEASE call me.. I will be there ASAP.. I won't let anyone hurt you.. I won't let anything hurt you.. I Won't let anything or anyone disturb our relationship!!!!

I know you're very loyal to me too darling.. That is why i trust you with all my heart saying all these to you right now.. I'm just afraid we didn't spend much time together anymore.. =( Thats when the part my heart would feel so much of sorrow inside..

I can't spend a day without you're smile... Picture doesn't work much.. Hearing your voice yes.. =) I will call you everynight =)
Weekends I'll call you during the night we talk till 5 in the morning! =) remember that us? =)

Darling I love you.. and theres nothing or no one in the whole world can make me change my mind my heart my soul my everything to stop loving you every single day.. Smile for me kay? Promise me don't blame hard ady la silly piggy.. silly pig de.. simply think until make yourself sad sad for wad wor? you cheer me up then i for sure would be happy ady wan wad.. =) Mwuackxzx

I love you so much Yap Qi Rui.. I don't want to be just a Prince in your heart.. But Your King.. Your Husband.. Your everything =) And I.. haha.. I want you to be ALL MINE ONLY!!! =)

Hope this hols what we dreamt of would happen.. =) mwuackxzxz.. 14/8

Baby, You're irreplacable Now and Forever <3

You're my angel of music. ♥