Today was one of the most depressed day of my life

I rushed the slides for the next day and created a music for tomorrow but it seemed like it was all wasted.

I was so excited and yet worried that something might go wrong.

I couldn't even sleep last night.

Went to bed by 1am woke up at 3am and after that I couldn't sleep no more. having the feeling of hard time breathing.

So instead of forcing myself to sleep, I went to improve the song that I wanted to use during the worship session to make things nicer but what the heck right? No point of doing it if things gonna turn out wrong.

So i actually started getting ready at around 6 and I was ready to pick up the others to head to YMCA hopefully would be half hour before the thing actually starts but then we had some problem so I had to tell them to try drag the time and we won't be able to have one rehearsal to make things right. So we started right away when we're done setting up our equipments there

It was my first time not being ready enough to present something out to so many people. I feel so wasted in front of all of them. If I were in the crowd I would be asking " What the heck is this boy doing out there?"

It was really unorganized presentation so I felt really really bad since when I know I'll be late and without any rehearsal then.

But what can we do? I don't want to show such bad example still dragging it any longer so I started right away

I guess everyone needs to have one bad experience to fall and get back up once or twice in a life time right? I guess so.

My one sleepless night was wasted, My song was wasted

I could not help it but to blame myself for not getting everything done ready even though we don't have any rehearsal.

Now I feel that burden that's on my shoulders and its really heavy. I can't help it but having this kind of feeling in me that I've disappointed God, I've disappointed my friends, I've disappointed the Boys' Brigade of Malaysia.

Can you hold on to that burden? I doubt that. Now I doubt that I would have faith in myself for what I do for Him.

I'm Sorry.

Well anyways I couldn't put my music here so I might be creating one video for BB to repay things that I've done without sufficient preparation.

Soon to be posted.